Where the Hell am I? (2020)

“Where am I? Where am I? Oh dear god, where the hell am I?”

I won’t tell you where you are

but I’ll tell you where you’re going.

Consciousness lives in the light.

But consciousness left the light

and became the darkness.

But then consciousness

returned to the light.

And every time it did this,

a life was born.

And there are many different paths

for many different lives,

in their journey back to the light.

And whatever path YOU are on,

right NOW,

it’s going one of two places:

either back to the light,

or back to the darkness.

And which way you go,

and how long you take to get there,

is entirely up to you.

“Where did all this come from?”

Before anything, there was nothing to wait for.

And so, ‘something’ has always been here.

But absent change, ‘nothing’ returns.

And so change is the fountain of existence.

And in change, light was born.

But light becomes nothing absent of darkness,

so light divided itself.

The ONE became the few.

One remained pure.

The few became impure.

And so there were different kinds of light,

and these are the children of existence.

These are the lights of the world.

“What is all this?”

But of the children of existence,

many changed as follows:

their impurity came and went.

Appeared and disappeared.

Waxed and waned.

And these are the children of the light.

But then some of the impure,

upheld their existence

by change of another sort.

They did not appear and disappear.

Nor did they wax and wane.

But they suffered variation of another kind,

as was necessary to maintain their existence in time.

Their change was like this:

They did not grow darker.

Nor did they extinguish.

They glowed,

but they did not stay the same.

And so it was,

that they grew brighter and brighter.

And as they glowed,

they moved closer and closer

to the purity and perfection of the ONE.

Though never reaching it,

they continued narrowing the gap

infinitesimally so.

And these were the children of the ONE.

The Kings, the Queens, of existence.

“So just how big is this kingdom of existence?”

All things are possible

because the impossible won’t ever exist.

And so what exists, is all possible things.

But not all things are eternal.

Not all things don’t die.

Of all the possible universes,

(those that do exist, those that did exist, or those that yet will exist)

many of these return to darkness.

Many are unstable

and so they cannot continue to live.

Thus they die.

And so beside the children of the ONE,

the Kings, and the Queens,

stood the children of light,

but the children of light were divided in two.

And look!

See now the children of eternal light,

oscillating forever and ever.

And then look!

The children of but a flicker.

And these are the children,

whose light was extinguished,

that became children of darkness.

And that was the end of them.

Now, many universes expand and contract forever

eternally dying and being born again.

These are forever warring between light and darkness,

good and evil, existence and nonexistence.

They’ll journey from a ‘big bang’,

to expansion in full,

then they’ll collapse and disappear.

And this only to begin all over again,

of a slightly different variation.

Now look out into space and ask yourself:

“Is that my universe?”

Oh children of the moon.

But there is a universe that never dies.

It never stops expanding,

but asymptotically approach the ONE.

Second after second, day after day, Aeon after Aeon.

Forever glow they brighter.

Now look up at the blue sky and ask yourself:

“Is this my universe?”

Oh child of the sun.

But there are many universes that do die.

They exist for a time,

they expand as far as they can,

but then collapse and are no more,

never to exist again.

A flicker in the night,

a small short spark,

gives light for a brief moment

and then returns to darkness.

Now look out the window toward the night sky and ask yourself:

“Do my stars return to darkness? Is that MY universe?”

Oh child of the night.

“But this sucks! I’m tired of this battle. Isn't there a way out of here?”

And see, what’s true of the heavens

is true of the earth.

And what’s true of each

is true of your mind and your soul.

Look to one of these

for clues of what’s not yet revealed in others.

Bring the light of one realm,

to the darkness of another,

that your worlds, small and large,

and on every scale in between,

grow brighter.

And when darkness remains

in the realm of your gaze,

look for a light in a higher or lower realm,

for there are many lights in the heavens,

and there are some lights in hell,

to shine on that which you don’t yet understand.

And in taking this shortcut,

you will leap from peak to peak,

under brilliant blue skies.

And this is the Way,

to accelerate your radiance.

Because this is the fast lane.

This is the critical mass.

This is the difference between slow and slowing

and fast and growing.

Exponential decay and uninhibited growth.

And this is what turns the moon into the sun

and silver into gold.

“How do we get to the fast lane?”

There are two paths.

One is fast,

and one is slow.

One is growth,

one is decay.

One is life,

one is death.

One is blessing,

and one is cursing.

What you split into thirty

the one will be greater

than that of what you split into 7.

30 days makes a month

and a month of sunlight

is more pleasant than a week's worth.

But all paths lead to the end of time.

When you split into many

the one will be greatest

and time will prolong forever,

for all but a few.

“How do we stay in the fast lane?”

When you’re in the fast lane,

all things follow you.

When you’re in the slow lane,

you are the follower.

When you’re on the quick and narrow path,

the universe obeys you.

When you’re on the slow and wide path,

the path of the masses of men,

then you become a slave to the universe.

When you’re on the high road in the bright of day,

knowledge and understanding

is illuminated wherever you look

by the light of the sun above you.

When you’re on the low road in the dark of night,

you must work to discover things that are hidden,

or that remain out of reach.

You must find view points from which to see farther,

and hope the light of the moon

waxes bright enough

for you to see things far off.

“I’m not even in the fast lane yet am I?”

Now work in the night,

but work by light.

Natural light is stronger than artificial light,

but either will do in the darkness.

Now work in the darkness brightly,

by the light of the moon,

and in doing so you’ll reap excess,

and your lot will grow.

But work in the darkness dimly,

lit by only the stars,

and your efforts will not be enough.

You’ll be further behind in the morning,

and your lot will shrink.

But the light of the stars may save you from death.

And work lit by fire or chemical or other wizardry,

and your efforts will keep you afloat.

You will not drown, nor be saved,

and you’ll eternally drift,

until life or death one day takes you.

For all things return,

to either the ONE or the ZERO,

to the light or to darkness.

Some take longer than others to get there.

And a few take a very very long time.

But in any of these worlds,

work by whatever light is available,

in hopes that your work will be accepted,

for only then will you have reached the tipping point,

and from that point forward,

you’ll naturally return to light,

from each instance of darkness.

And in this

you are accepted

into the family

of the children

of the ONE.

“Why do we need other people? Can I not just find peace on my own?”

You have already found peace on your own,

because, when alone, you are one with the ALL.

And in the reality of ONE

there is no darkness,

and thus the war is over.

There is ONE that is perfect

and peace resides here.

But beneath the ONE there are many.

And there is light here as well.

And in the realms of the many,

'we' are all holographic

instances of the ONE.

We live in different universes,

in the sense that our gazes differ.

But we live in the same universe

in the sense that we are one.

And the overlap of our experience

defines what exists collectively together,

and we see the result of this

as the physical universe.

This is the Cosmos.

We each have corresponding bodies,

in the different heavens.

And each of these bodies,

may be consciously experienced.

The trick is to remember where you’re from,

to remember what your ‘self’ in full illumination looks like.

And when you can picture this person,

this nearly perfect version of yourself,

and believe it exists,

Then it does exist!

It becomes your reality, or, maybe more accurately for you,

it becomes real in your reality.

This person literally comes to exist

in a galaxy far far away.

And then you realize,

that even though you are here

in a dark world,

you are not from here.

But you’ve come here,

from the stars, or galaxies,

or other dimensions,

to help those in this realm of darkness.

But YOU are the one at THIS level of darkness.

And the distribution of the people in your world

is the distribution of light and darkness

in your own mind.

So this thing you call the world

could be experienced as either

a brighter or dimmer reality

for any other given person

you come across in your reality.

The loneliest is to be alone.

And so two is brighter than one,

although two remains dim.

But seven is brighter still, as is twelve.

And brighter and brighter yet

are the many.

And so the way out of darkness,

to put an end to the cycle,

and transition to ascension,

is to share experiences in the light,

with one other.

And then having shared with one,

share with two.

Because in the midst of three,

you’re free to observe,

as you watch

the light between them.

And in this you find rest.

Because you’ve passed the torch

and your work here is done.

“So in the worlds of many, just how many are there?”

After one, there is two,

male and female,

light and darkness.

And after two, there is three,

three Kings. and three Queens

Father and mother, and child,

the infinite, the void, and the ONE.

light, darkness, and this thing you know as consciousness.

And after three, there is four

father, mother, brother and sister

light, darkness, the internal, and the external.

You know the latter two

as the world of the internal mind

and the physical external universe you experience.

And after four there are two more to make six,

father, mother, brother and sister

and the children of the brother

and the children of the sister.

And these are the bodies and the spirits of heaven and hell.

The children of one of these,

are children of the physical external world,

the physical beings of heaven and hell.

They are the galaxies and inter-galactic bodies.

They are the earth and other planetary bodies.

They are the animals of the earth, sky, and sea.

And they are your habits and tendencies of mind, your behavioral predispositions.

They are what you do when you don’t think about what you’re doing.

And the children of the other,

are children of the internal world of conscious experience,

the mental angels and demons of thought.

These are the external natures of the beings of existence.

They are the paradigms of your mind’s eye,

the lenses through which you internally view all things external.

And of these grandchildren,

all things real and imaginary,

there are those of darkness

and those of light;

The things of heaven and hell.

But between six and four there are five.

As before light comes darkness,

so five is the world of darkness.

Five is the nightmare.

Five is the eternal flames of hell.

Five is the bottommost depths of pain

and suffering and anguish.

Five is the world with no light.

And where there is no light,

there is no consciousness.

This is the ZERO, the Void.

But past this is six.

And six is the light in the darkness.

And from the dimension of six,

which is three and three,

from here branch the countless paths

that the light can take

back to the one.

And your life,

the decisions you face each and every day,

are a part of your path.

And my one wish,

for both myself and for you,

is that we together move quicker

and in the right direction.

But the journey IS the destination.

It’s not about what we will be.

It’s about what we are as we’re going there.

And what you are,

your path back to light,

your success in that,

or your failure,

is up to you.

It’s your unique voice

in the song of the timeless universe.

And that is ALL.

And in being ALL, there is nothing after that.

So on the seventh day I rested.

“So I’m stuck in this endless battle, never able to reach peace while surrounded by others?”

The only way to end the cycle,

to end the fight,

to end the war,

is to return to the ONE.

But before that,

you CAN find a place

where the fight is effortless,

where everything moves on its own

towards the light.

And this place is found in this universe.

In this galaxy.

On this planet, around this sun.

In this country.

In this body.

In this brain and mind.

When all of these realms,

move in harmony towards the light,

the war will come to an end,

and light will have returned in full.

But here now,

in the days and ages leading up to that,

fight the good fight,

and plant the good crop,

and build the good city,

in hope that you will find peace and bounty and refuge

until the day you find rest.

For this is the work of the children of the light.

And further, know this:

you can return as ONE to the ALL

whenever you want to.

But to stay here,

is to dance imperfectly in the darkness,

is to swallow the fly in the chardonnay,

to be the falleness of the righteous,

it is to be the dark Knight,

or the dark Priestess,

and to accept some measure of darkness within you,

as the cost of bringing light to darker places.

It is the price of being some measure of light yourself.

And only the ONE is without darkness,

not a single blemish.

As white as snow.

“So how is it even possible to find peace while here in the darkness?”

I said, “show me your world!”

But you knew not what to say.

So I pointed West and followed the sun with my gaze.

And on one hand I saw

light retreating,

and on the other darkness advanced.

And together I saw a good world made evil.

But I ask you…

“Is THAT your world?”

And then I pointed East and followed the sun with my gaze.

And then on one hand I saw

death disappearing,

and on the other life growing.

And together I saw an evil world made good.

But again I ask you…

“Is THIS your world?”

So I turned to face East and then watched the sun rise in front of me

and then fall behind me.

And now on one hand I saw

light expanding,

but I knew on the other death came like a flood.

But in facing east,

never turning away,

I saw something new.

I saw a world both good and evil.

Both light and dark.

Both winning and losing.

And when I beheld what I saw,

the world of my creation,

I said, “it is good.”

And then darkness was no more.

And I, alone, returned home.

And having swiftly departed,

I now leave YOU to ask the question that brought you here in the first place.

I leave you to ask the question one last time,

“Where the hell am I?”

“Where the hell am I?”

“Oh dear god, where the hell am I?”

And in that, the end becomes the beginning.

But I leave you with a hint for the next kick at the can,

a hint that points to the Secret of all secrets.

When a new day dawns,

might I suggest asking

not ‘where the hell am I?”

but…

“where the heaven am I?”

Ask it that way, and you just might find out 😜